raz's shitty blog

raz's shitty blog 1 year anniversary!

2007-05-25T15:24:00.001-07:00

finally! raz's shitty blog gets featured in O; the oprah magazine about oprah and everything oprah. what once was one man's dream to make a shitty blog has now become a feature in the most vain magazine of all time. oh my god..i feel like a princess. there is a god, and his name is oprah magazine.

making a shitty comic

2007-05-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

so i've been getting tons and tons of mail about how to make comics from all over the world and from bed bath & beyond. and both say the same shit; "raz, how do you make comics?" haha, wouldn't you like to know? ok, i'll let you in on a secret...comics are like taking a shit; you just sit back and let it all come out. but first you gotta eat something like a big fuckin' burger with fries...or "coming up with a story". just kidding, the story doesn't matter at all it seems nowadays so just wing it. people won't notice shit and people like that. it takes them into that comic fantasy world; makes them one with the art. so before we begin, let's make a shitty character.

step #1: making a shitty character

ok, so to make a shitty character, all you gotta do is draw a shitty character. here..

..it is done. i call him the naked king. he is king and he is naked. cool, let's move on..

step #2: put your shitty character in a shitty environment

so now that we've made our shitty character, we have to put him in a shitty environment. some would say a room or by poolside is shitty enough, but let's go one further and put the naked king in a shitty environment made for one such as he; a bus stop.

cool. now he is part of the environment and he is ready for undertaking his comic journey. what a great shitty start! now let us imagine what can happen next. could there be a bus in the king's future? maybe a fellow passenger? only you can decide. it doesn't matter really. anything will do the job shittily.

step #3: the final shitty step

now comes the final step, and some would testify, the most shitty; fucking drawing and finishing the shitty comic. let's begin and finish it as fast as we can without thinking and worrying about it.

ahh..c'est finished! next stop; a local newspaper or shitty blog.

new hickee coming really fucking soon!

2007-05-18T11:25:00.001-07:00

hey cholos and cholettes, guess what? chicken butt. just kidding..sheesh, i can't believe you fell for that one. but it showed character, good for you. hey, there's a new hickee in the works and i'd like for you to know that. it's gonna be the best fucking hickee ever and requires some reading skills. and it would also benefit if you have the gift of sight too. this next hickee will probably be entitled #3 if the gods are willing. it will also bring shame and embarrassment upon the one who wields it so take heed. it is said that the book is cursed with stupid jokes and will bring that who gazes within it's pages merriment and joy. below you will see some pixel art i have produced that will line one wickid page of this book. this time, for some reason, hickee has a wickid theme; which is games. i believe that reason is cause we all agreed on it.

it is written that hickee is gay. but that was along time ago so "gay" meant "wickid"!!

boob trek

2007-05-11T10:37:00.000-07:00

probably my finest work..

what's that floating shit in my eye?

2007-05-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

ever find yourself talking to some fool and see a floating string-like thing pass by? don't be alarmed my good friend cause i just read a wickid article on this phenomenon on yahoo health. ahh, yahoo does something again. first it was text-twist, now a great explanation of how strange and wonderful the eye can be. be sure to check raz's shitty blog for more medical essays cause i think it's gonna be that way from now on. man, i can't wait to get letters from doctors in switzerland of how much they admire my research of other websites. hopefully i get a nod of approval for my link abilities too. i think i'm pretty good at it but not the best. i heard there was this 9 year old boy in india whose link abilities are unsurpassed. incredible!

check it out! that's my eye from the inside!

boobs & lesbians

2007-05-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

so for anyone who's into boobs or lesbians, this blog posting is for you. these would be the paintings i showed at the montreal show.

with this piece, i tried to capture boobs. tied around a woman's head...

and with this piece i tried to capture lesbians doing what lesbians do best; walking around a pillar in a magical lesbian land. man, it sure is oily in that part of town.

i was initially planning on having 2 other paintings to show with these but they didn't turn out the way i wanted them to. one was gonna be entitled "woman with really big ass" and another was gonna be entitled "woman with hairy pussy". it all came down to the wire and i opted to watch 1 vs. 100 instead.

ape reminiscing

2007-04-30T15:21:00.000-07:00

so before i move on with news of our montreal show, i'd like to address how awesome ape was. i only wish there wasn't as many comics about lesbians with problems. i didn't read any but i'll save you the read and presume the lesbian doesn't get the chick she wants and tells her tale of woe and grief to her best friend. they talk about how much life sucks for about 10 pages and then the book ends. there's no mutant powers in them too. but there was wickid shit at ape too. most notably kevin dart, chris turnham, and birdstand. they made this year's ape super awesome. kevin and chris had a wickid book with some of the best art i've seen. here's a photo of me chillin' with scott.c. and joe white from kevin/chris's website.
and i got this wickid book from birdstand where everyone is smiling and looking nice and chill. it's called "gypsy lady". everyone should have this book. i name it best in show. check out his site too yo.

new comic

2007-04-24T16:11:00.000-07:00

so last weekend i revealed to the world my new shitty comic. on your left is the title. man, it went great! like 40 people now have it...in the trash. naw, just kidding. i bet they're on the mantle place next to wedding photos. also, i reprinted my last comic. those sold pretty well too. random people have actually heard of it which was surprising but very welcomed. like last time, i took them to get printed at kinkos. one thing interesting about kinkos is that they're idiots. i had to teach some guy there how to do his shitty job. i guess it's the working environment they have to deal with, with the people always coming in and asking to be helped..like at any job. well, i guess it's different at kinkos cause their jobs are so easy. maybe that's why they're so half-assed. "print some shit for you sir? well, that sounds easy enough..but wait, maybe it isn't..lemme try something..like not doing it the way i should. it sounds crazy but it might work." man, whatever. i've learned my lesson. my pain is your gain. below are the top shittiest jobs:

bus driver - "hello, let me drive you somewhere.."
customs agent - "hello, let me ask you some questions.."
kinkos guy - "hello, let me make you some copies.."

shit

2007-04-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

well it's thursday and you know what that means; time to draw some shit. below you have various kinds of shits.

oh yeah, you can print this out and put some magnets behind it and then slap it on your wickid fridge to make one of those "what kinda shit did i take today?" things. man, you can impress all your friends and dinner-guests with the "ass-stretcher" circled-in! anyway, enjoy!

i drew some wickid carrots!

2007-04-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

hey everyone i wanna just say don't use crappy clip art in your blog. especially if it's crappy clip art of carrots. people get pissed if you do this for some reason. instead, you should just draw crappy clip art of carrots instead. like this:

here's my crappy carrot clip art. everyone in the whole entire world can use this image with no worries. go ahead and link them up to your wickid blog or website without my approval. use it in everyday life. use it to bake a carrot cake. download it..share it..crop it..print it.

all these stress tests are stressing me out

2007-04-05T11:39:00.001-07:00

man, all these stress tests are stressing me out! it was really cool awhile back when my cult decided to chill and let our "diagnostics" book do it's thang on the booksellers list. damn shit didn't cut it in the world of book selling. that fucking thing didn't even bust the top 1000! goddamn, it really took it's toll on our sorry asses here at the office. now they want us to bust our humps out on the street annoying people with our hollow metal tubes filled with pistachios. they're really good pistachios too. from turkey. they cultivate the pistachio crops really nice and..well, i'm getting carried away. anyway, people don't wanna be tricked now-a-days it seems. who can blame 'em too cause damn, i sure as hell don't wanna be tricked. i'm pretty sure my mom don't like to get her fat ass tricked neither. even if it's wickid april fools day or some shit. tricks ain't gonna cut it in today's marketplace. people are getting smart with all that mtv watching. they know wassup. that fuckin guy ashton kutcher fucking messed things up for us bigtime! but we got some fancy smancy new gimmicks up our wickid sleeve. it's called "passing out shitty flyers about our wickid cult." we got a wickid deal with this printing agency and them flyers are like so cheap man. the quality is kinda shitty but whatever, it's the message that counts. i just hope people read that crap before chucking it. there's some fucking good shit in there! haha, just kidding. there's nothing really great on it, but check it...man, we put a wickid code in there all subliminal style. aww yeah! man, it's wickid! if you take the first letter of the third sentence and combine it with a bunch of other letters in that fashion, you get a wickid recipe for the best damn apple pie this side of the mississippi!

here's a wickid movie dirty deeds brought to my attention. thanks dirty!

hey man

2007-03-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

i will be appearing live and in person at some art shows really soon. one show that i'll be at will definately be this one. it features amongst it the works of none other than mr.scott campbell, mr.nathan stapley, mr.graham annable, and mr.joe white. they are all very talented artists and one day they will be bigger than raz's shitty blog. all signs are pointing to "yes". i'll be at this show eating the snacks. that is all.

another show that features snacks maybe will be this one. this show will feature world-renowned canadian artists vamberto maduro and paul brown. the snacks will probably pale in comparison to the art though. but if they dish out some real coin to buy some pringles instead of shitty garfield nachos then the art will be outshined whole-heartedly. i'm gonna have some art to show too at this show and it'll most likely be really dumb and stupid just the way i like it. think something along the lines of a reggae-fied bart simpson with bart going "cowabunga mon!" *sigh*..if only it ends up that good.

i wish i painted this.

new energy resource

2007-03-19T17:40:00.000-07:00

there's alot of talk about new energy resources nowadays..but that's all it is; talk. yappy yappidy solar power...yappy yappidy hydroponics...man, fuckin' make up your mind! what the fuck is mankind gonna do when we run out of places to put wickid dams and those swiss chalets with them big-ass water-wheels on them? it's gonna be awhile till we see a change so chillax vato. have you switched to a car that isn't a car yet? did you ever stop to wonder what your breath is doing to the ozone layer? man, it's gonna be so fuckin' far in the future till we see a wickid new energy resource. like, once we find something cool, we'll be wickid pals with them retarded-looking aliens with those big stupid heads. them big headed aliens are gonna be our pals and along with being pals with them, we can be pals with their technology. man, what wonders will you show us alien? fuck, wickid alien..what's our new energy source gonna be man?! you got something we can use to make our world a more resourcful place man? you know them aliens are not gonna have shit too. man, what the fuck alien?! you ain't got shit?! what's wrong with you man, you're a wickid alien!! you got a big stupid head and everything!! what's that alien? you got a vibrating tooth brush? man, big deal alien! that's so not revolutionary and ground-breaking!! sheesh...but then everything will settle down right until we find out the best energy resource in the galaxy; alien sperm. man, once them aliens start jerking off in them kleenex's, it's gonna be a better world. alien sperm goes onto them kleenex's...them kleenex's go to the alien sperm recycling plant...and bam-ba-ba-loo-ba, everyone can read at night! oh man, what a great new world awaits us once we get ahold of them alien sperm. cars are gonna go so damn fast man!! man, our earth plants are gonna bloom with new brilliance and wonder once we shake a little alien sperm on them. fuck, maybe that alien sperm can make us go back in time? shit man, alien sperm is gonna lead the way to the fucking promised land!!

now don't go judging this alien just cause he looks gay. man, that bastard's got alot of love to give! and i'm talking about his magic alien sperm man!!

saros

2007-03-09T16:28:00.000-08:00

so hey how's it going? i've been doing this designey thing for this band saros btw. if you like designey things then that's cool with me like i always say. i designed the logo along with what you have in the picture above. it's gonna be featured on wickid cool t-shirts soon which i'm super excited about cause then i can wear one and stay warm and cool man. you might even get one, if you wish, cause they might even have them at their soon to happen show at the uptown nightclub on march 17th.

sopranos just a bunch of ginos

2007-03-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

so man now sopranos is now on A&E and it's just a bunch of ginos. i was told when the hit gino show came out that it was wickid and now i see why; it had all the great ginos i was looking for. i have to admit i was captivated by the ginos at first, why with all their comical gino ways but now i see they're just a bunch of ginos. the gino show sopranos has even taken the gino concept to the next fruition; annoying ginos. the show has also made some headway for ginos by taking ginos out of the club and making them fatter. below is a graph showing the gino rise in popularity..

as you can see from this graph, 1999 was a great year for the gino and being a gino. ricky martin was ginoriffic and the sopranos had just come out to great acclaim. ofcourse with success comes decline in poularity but thank god for the gino show "elimidate" which helped in pushing the gino popularity into great heights once again. oh yeah, and at the end of the graph you can see what reflects people's enthusiasm in martin scorsese's new movie "the departed", which people automatically presumed was just another scorsese gino flick..

some of the gino cast members of the new show "ginos & emos". the show will feature all the ups and downs, misunderstandings, and cultural differences encountered when ginos and emos live on a farm without hair gel

character design lesson

2007-02-21T15:33:00.000-08:00

hello again and i'm gonna tell you some proper ways to draw characters. there are some ways i'd like to cover that covers all the bases for character design. especially if you want to stay "cutting edge". i've been recieving no e-mails about character design so i'd like to share with you now my lesson in character design.

now, when i say character design, i am referring to designs of barbarians, space marines, and aliens. usually character design falls into these three (3) groups so take heed.

lesson #1 : the barbarian

firstly, let's take a looksee at the mighty barbarian..

one thing you see right away is the smart usage of straps. i'd like to stress the point about the importance of straps when designing the barbarian. after all, a barbarian is never complete without them. i'd like to put straps on the barbarian's legs, arms, feet, and shoulder pads.

lesson #2 : the space marine

now we shall see the character design i've done and will keep doing for the space marine.

ahh..the space marine! there's nothing finer in the art of good well balanced character design. funny thing i just noticed about the character design of the space marine is the ample and great usage of straps. isn't that something? i was just drawing away and they came out of me like second nature. now that's the top-secret special secret to character design; trusting your nature to add straps to everything. oopsee daisy...the secret's out! haha..

lesson #3 : alien

so now you have seen how to draw a barbarian and space marine but now we will draw what only the most adventurous artists only dare to draw...the alien! here is a good character design of an alien..

wow! no way! i just noticed i've added straps on the alien as well. funny how well they look upon the alien. aliens come in 2 varieties: those with straps, and those with alot of leg joints. i took on the outrageous and cunning task to combine both straps and alot of jeg joints to create my alien. and if you look more closely, you can make out that my straps have straps on them.

overview

well there you have it.

post valentine's day poem

2007-02-16T09:20:00.000-08:00

goddamn, why didn't you tell me you had a fucking boyfriend?!!
man, what's with you woman?
and why does he have one of those dumb looking goatees?
if your boyfriend knew you e-mailed me, i don't think he'd say; "you e-mailed some guy i've never met before? wickid! i can't wait to meet him!!"
man, what are you doing?!
and further more, what's up with your lame-ass friends?
what's up with that one guy btw?
why are you smoking so many goddamn cigarettes?
and why you drinking so much girl?
who did you say this singer was? she's pretty good..
i'm missing american chopper on it's new date and time on the learning channel for this?!!
this singer sucks man!!
i don't think it's gonna work out between us..

american chopper has moved to thursday nights on TLC

concept art

2007-02-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

here's some concept art i've been doing for a top secret project i should mention called "shrek 3". man, i can't wait for this wickid scene!!

as you can see, shrek 3 is gonna kick ass at the box office.

you get what you give

2007-01-22T13:58:00.000-08:00

man, i actually drew stuff this weekend and this was the wickid outcome. holy shit this turned out super fucking gay.

juxtapoz magazine still fucking creepy

2007-01-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

man, is it a bird or is juxtapoz magazine still fucking creepy? man, how many times can people paint girls with big heads eating steak with fred flintstone in a hotrod? you know it was original and inovative the first time the art world saw a fat devil chick using her devil tail as an arrow but after a few hundred times that joke wears a little thin. they're always pointing at another fat devil chick's cooch too. man, i know where it is! sheesh, change it up or something. put some wickid pictures of some penguins eating grilled cheese sandwiches or something more thought provoking like that. anyway, i got a blender. it's so awesome! last night i made some chocolate milk. it did a great job of mixing the quik chocolate powder with the milk. it was a delicious outcome.

my blender which i used to make my now infamous "chocolate milk" drink. i'll put the recipe up soon. sit tight.

raz's predictions for 2007

2006-12-27T10:58:00.000-08:00

2006 was great but 2007 will also be great. the new year will hark many a new day and there will be plenty an opportunity to go to the park. also financially it will be up and down but who fucking cares. in fashion, black will finally come back becoming the new black. in entertainment 2007 promises to be a great year for family films. someone close to you will smell. someone you haven't heard from in awhile will say "hey man, whatcha been doin'?" you will reply "nothin' much" although you've been doing fucking plenty but can't remember. one day you will expect the escalator to be working but it will be not. it will be broken and you will have to use the stairs. in food, 2007 will be very rewarding to your personal health. 2007 also brings nasty stinks coming from your neighbour's apartment. it will smell like boiling socks. you will definitely pee in the shower in 2007 for sure. you will find something awesome on the street and pick it up then you will think it sucks and you will fucking throw it away. one day you will eat way too much ice cream. make that a couple of days. 2007 also promises to be another love/hate relationship year with your wickid-awesome/fucking-stupid i-pod. godamn, why are all my mp3's so stupidly arranged?!

the i-pod. i love you..you good-for-nothing piece of crap! merry new year everyone and i put lucky charms on you for reading raz's shitty blog!

negative people are the worst

2006-12-20T16:59:00.000-08:00

here at raz's shitty blog, we aim to be shitty, but we stay clear of negetivity yo. man, i've been seeing alot of negativity around me and it's really stupid. shit, negetivity is so dumb. our labs conducted tests on it back in the 80's and the results aren't that surprising, even if we were dancing on the ceiling. these tests unfortunately involved me hanging around negative people. what happened as a result was so stupid. i found myself getting bummed around them. what the?! man, why?! these tests proved non-inconclusive. they actually prove people that are negative are hard to hang around. read this wickid article here eh. man, that was a wickid read eh? man, stop being all negative cholo! it's the worst. super peace.

this is a picture of professor wickid. he's a master at being positive. if you're ever in need of his positiveness, just ask him. he'll be happy to help you out.

raz's shitty blog gets fucking stupid

2006-12-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

man, did you see anything different when you entered raz's shitty blog today? man, look at that wickid fucking title! i added some tasty looking carrots to it. i thought it needed them. man, it looks so professional that it may need a rabbit or a vegetarian to go with it. damn, that looks sweet. i had to look long and hard and slow and fast to find a way to program carrots into my blog. now that is done, i will now tell you i am excited about christmas. i love it cause i'm gonna be celebrating it with dirty deeds. dirty man, i'll see you real soon jiveturkey!

where are all these shitty fantasy books coming from?

2006-12-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

damn! like, what the hell? man, there must be like a million of these books! do yourself a favour and don't go check them out. unless, that is, you can't wait to take flight with your dragon companion and soar above them green fields of imagination. then i humbly recommend picking up a book with a wickid dragon on it from your local library or hippie book store. you know of these hippie stores. they always have that crazy incence burning in there and one or more grumpy wizards. don't be fooled when one of them wizards ask you if you "need any help". that is a wizard trick. also, don't look at the wizard's sandaled feet for they are gross and will turn thou into stone. as for these books, your chances for escapement will double in wickidness if "dragon" is spelled "dragooon" or if the guy on the cover is dressed wickid gay and is facing two or more sunsets. this is my theory cause i can't read. but i can love. anyway, who is to say which book is stronger in charisma and which is chaotic-evil? like all of these books look the goddamn same! i wanna send out a request to anyone brave and bold enough to come forth like valiant warriors and summarize a literary quest they've taken. be it when they were young farm hands or now, when they have slain many a donut. do not be shy. i only wish to understand what magic lies buried within these fantastical pages of ink and paper..and sometimes a wickid illustration. man, i remember that's all i wanted to check out. those wickid illustrations. but alas there would only be like one goddamn drawing in the whole fucking book! shitty! man, how can i be transported into this magic world if there isn't some kind of wickid drawing showing me how wickid it is? that's the beauty of this new invention "the moving picture". it is pretty awesome how its moving pictures capture the majesty and beauty of lands only imagined when i'm taking a shit. but now there comes a new one called "eragon" about a guy who makes friends with a 3D dragon only to find out it is he who can ride it and take advantage of it. i can't wait to not watch it. sounds familiar though. i think i know of this tale. man, are all these books the same? i am concerned cause they can be used for lighting-up some poor traveller's campfire. or providing a bard with a practical yet durable pillow. i can't think of any other uses. those might be it. check out this book..

man, that's one wickid looking dragon! holy shit, i wonder if the book is wickid too..

the problem with tenacious d..

2006-12-11T15:20:00.000-08:00

the problem with tenacious d is that they suck. holy shit, i remember my first time i listened to them. i was a nieve little kid and didn't know right from wrong. i think i was 24. anyway, i skipped song after song, trying to find the reason why these sweaty fat guys have become a big hit with people around me. i think i finished the cd in a record time of 23 seconds. that's pretty good. i think i could have done better but i kept getting distracted by doing something fun and worthwhile. they have a certain 'shittiness' and 'crappitude' to them i thought. my brain told me that. that's the brain..it does that. it tells you when you've stepped in poo and when the sidewalk is poo-free and free from poo. but the brain is so stupid sometimes ( see here ) but at other times it is quite miraculous. man, there's anther band out there that have been doing the poo poo kaka for years now. they sound just like tenacioud d too. they've even been credited with creating that famous "wall of shit" sound. here's a shitty picture of them..

aaghhh...man, that's the worst picture i've ever put up and will ever put up. goddamn, you recognize these fools? back in canada they were a big hit cause the constellations lined-up and you could see uranus with the naked eye. there were weird omens all around too. fuckin' birds flying upside down an shit, the sky turning blue and i almost flunked math class. so yeah, they are shitty but what is not shitty is that new mel gibson movie apocalyto. holy shit, that was wickid man!

laughing babies

2006-12-01T15:50:00.000-08:00

this is now my favourite thing to watch. man, i love watching this video!

2 goddamn words that are so shitty

2006-11-22T17:33:00.000-08:00

so i've been hearing 2 words that i could do without. these words are: "literally" and "peeps". goddamn, i hate these words. they could be the worst words in the queen's english most probably. i hear them so fucking much. and the more i hear them, the more i hate them further and beyond to eternity and the far reaches of space and time. the first word "literally" can be used once a year and "peeps" should only be used thusly; "While Gertrude was undressing in her boudoir, John peeps at her with a big boner.". and this is the only time it can be used. only to describe the peeping of John to that of Gertrude while maintaining an erection of considerable size. this statement of john and gertrude is acceptable. you can also elaborate of their intriguing situation by claiming "Gertrude witnessed John getting his peeps of her rotund ass and this made her get freaky-deaky wit it. She gyrated that thang, and in doing so, shook her paintings off the wall." anyway, happy thanksgiving!

here's a picture of one of those things you put your rotting harvestings into and set upon your table.

steve mcqueen found to be gay

2006-11-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

hey, did you hear? steve mcqueen is gay! wickid! just last week, archeaologists unearthed his fossils and their research pin-pointed the gay bone..it's the femur bone btw, but steve's was, like, totally gay. it had glitter all over it and when the scientists cleaned it, it said "thank you!". also found of being a wickid gay were sean connery, clint eastwood, and that hairy guy cher. oh man, by the way, i saw the new bond movie and it was awesome! i'm totally gonna start pouting my lips everytime i bet 4 million dollars.

here's a shot from "casino royale" when two retarded guys are chillin'.

prop. 69 fails to pass!

2006-11-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

as you all very well know, it is voting season here in the americas. someone won something i think. it could have been a nintendo or some shit. anyway, there was also these wickid propositions that people could vote no or yes on. one of them was wickid proposition 69 and it failed to pass. prop 69 was what normal people refer to as "that proposition about sunglasses". it makes it illegal for dumb people to wear sunglasses to look cool. it also limits the wearing of sunglasses to blues musicians and grumpy old guys. it failed to pass by a shameful 99.9999%!! this was due mostly because all the old people went to the park to ride swings and play tag. the blues musicians went to the park too, cause it's a great place to be man! now all those people who rely heavily on sunglasses to make them appear cooler than they really are, can slap them shades on and parade in public without fear of scrutiny. they can even get those looks from people all wondering if they're cool or not. bravo! here's to a world free from scrutiny...a better world.

demonstators against prop. 69 sit in front of some old building trying their best to look cool.

halloween

2006-10-31T17:56:00.000-08:00

woo...halloween! oh man, i love halloween. but not for all the stepping and tripping on pumpkin parts like you'd expect. i love halloween cause it's this day i can do whatever i wanna do and not be labeled stupid things like "drunkard" or "dumb skank" or "that puking chick over there with the pink wig." i've been waiting all year long to bust that pink wig out too. halloween is a perfect day for it. it gives me an excuse to wear it and get stupid y'all. it's classy you know? like those dumb masks with the big noses on them. those are the tip-top of class man. them french aristocrats knew how to git down with them classy selves. interesting thing is those masks also had those elastic bands around the back of them even in them gay times. they were great for pulling and letting go. also good was they "masked" the wearer so no-one knew who farted. this tradition lives on in todays hi-tech masks. like that mask i wore for this millenium party with a "2000" on it. them two zeros in the middle had holes in it and were perfect for looking through. genius!

here's my wickid costume. it took me 148 sobber and 51 drunk hours to make and 3 toes but i think it was worth it. it stands 32 feet high and weighs approximately 2 tons.

picasso or warhol; who is shittier?

2006-10-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

man, there have been alot of shitty artists throughout the centuries..from that fucker who splashes paint everywhere to that bastard who paints everything blue to that guy your parents watch paint in the town square..man, that guy is so shitty but he sure is wickid when it comes to playing the "i'm a wickid artist all you dumb chicks, you be my canvas and i'll paint you with my wickid brush" game. one thing's for sure; all of them have sucked on a major scale. hmmm, but which of them is the shittiest? man, there are so many to choose from. well i choose picasso and that dumb guy andy warhol..two of the crappiest around. man, do they ever suck. let's walk down memory lane and check out some of their crap ok..

ahh, c'est craptastic nes pas? like, what the hell?! man, this shit is giving me a headache just looking at it. this is what that fucker was famous for by the way. making those dumb silkscreen prints you've wasted time doing in art class. man, his colours are all wrong! he was like "wait, gimme a second..this next one is gonna turn out better..fingers crossed..shit, D- here i come.." goddamn, now let's check out my boy picasso..

whoa! wickid! no wait, i thought i was looking at one of those 3D staring things. i meant to say; whoa! shittay! damn, this one sucks all over the place. just look at how picasso paints out of the lines not to mention it looks just plain dumb. man, what am i looking at?! what? ok, the winner is picasso. and by "winner" i mean "loser" cause he has lost all artistic merit. whatever..anyway, we have seen how crappy they are but now still the question remains; who is dumber..picasso, or the guy who buys his crap? well, i would have to say picasso cause he is so shitty.

drawing lesson

2006-10-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

hi everyone it is me again and i am here to tell you how to draw. i know, i know there are alot of blogs out there with helpful information on them promising improvements in your skills but i am here to tell you; do they promise an improvement in your skills and come out knowing how to draw mickey the mouse? i didn't think so. that's our little lesson for today by the way. we are gonna be drawing that famous star of the wickid screen and many a bed sheet: mickey the mouse. first you have to loosen up those fingers you soon to be artists you. now alot of you are thinking, raz, why should i loosen my fingers when all the motion comes from my hips? well, you are right but loosening up those fingers is crucial cause the fingers are what holds the pencil. first, let's get some gesture poses down..

i like to keep my gestures full of life. that's the key to good gestures. by the way, the word "gesture" comes from the greek work "gestoore" which means "fast drawings". i added some z's above mickey the mouse's head to give the illusion that he is fast asleep and enjoying a dream of somekind. even in these "gestoores" ( haha ), we can see the finished drawing. i love gestures. ok, now let's look at how to draw mickey the mouse's head for there is a secret way of drawing it simply that they don't teach you in the field. not a corn field but a field you know where it's like the place where everyone who does the same thing is all doing stuff the same and things.

as you can see, mickey the mouse is very much like that of a toaster in terms of apperance. i used the common house toaster to demonstrate. but much unlike the toaster, mickey the mouse is not metalic and he can't toast bread in his head. ok..moving on. below you can see my steps that i have taken in order to complete the drawing of mickey the mouse's head. it's very simple really. take a look now at the steps. there are five of them. look now..

ahh..pretty clear isn't it? all you gotta remember is that everything starts with a circle and mickey the mouse's head is no different. don't forget all you have learned from the first lesson i have taught you with the gestures. i'm sure you haven't forgotten cause it is probably second nature by now anyway. so why don't we draw mickey the mouse and all his body doing something like standing. ok..here he go..

and there you have it! easy peasy japanesey! till the next lesson. the next lesson we'll learn how to draw everyone's favourite subject; toasters.

the brain is so stupid

2006-10-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

has this happened to you? you're sleeping and just when you're about to wake up and say "wassup world?" you dream of the best metal riff ever. then you wake up and you forget everything. the power chords, the arpeggios, the wickid sweet sweeps..all gone! and you also know, when you're dreaming this, if you move to a more comfortable position, like over you stuffed animals, you're gonna fuck everything up in your brain and have a wickid case of amnesia. this happened to me on saturday. i had just finished my usual flying with my underwear dream and all of a sudden i'm in the biggest metal show with ugly guys playing the best metal riff i've ever heard in my life. even weird keyboard player with the glasses and the big nose was there. you know the one eh..even when he's not playing keyboard you can tell all those glasses and big nose lessons haven't gone to waste. anyway, back to the dream. ofcourse i think "man, i really wish i had come up with such a wickid metal riff but alas i am just a mortal man." fuck, the brain is so stupid! like i heard somewhere that we only use 2% of our brains to come up with wickid metal riffs and the other 98% is there to stop such a calamity from happening. like it knows it's gonna be too much for the common folk to hear. too metal. too wickid. here's a diagram of a wickid amish guy and what i'm talking about..

monsoon season starts

2006-10-05T13:38:00.001-07:00

well it's monsoon season here in cali, and you all know what that means; time to buy some weird korean food and rate them. big ups to some wickid korean market on geary next to a kfc. first up is this wickid drink with ginsing in it..

man, i had to try this shit! it was fucking gross. next up were these wickid noodles i got. the ones here are wickid buckwheat style but i gots me the green tea flavour so imagine them brown noodles all green and delicious looking..

i made some weird dish out of it i like to call "raz's stupid noodles". all you need is some left-over soy sauce and some spices that you think might be aight to throw in there. if you don't have any of these, i recommend eating some pringles instead. now comes these wickid snacks with red bean paste and chestnuts in them. mmmm..sounds pretty uggs right? well it's fucking tasty shit!
check em'..

look for round things that are smooshey when you smoosh them real good. that's how you know they are ripe and ready to be eaten. how are you gonna wash all this shit down you ask? well check it out..

this here is the aloe drink. it's that stuff that makes your skin feel all silky-smooth and when you drink it you will get a boner. it's tastes great and feels so so good..mmmm..

behold...one shitty new comic!

2006-09-18T13:51:00.000-07:00

holy shit! i can't believe i made a comic! and it's shitty too! i am so excited. can you tell? hey, i'm gonna be selling these if you want one. i think i'll be selling them for a buck each eh. cause they're small and can fit in your wallet..or your trash. you be the judge. or the executioner.

oh, by the wickid way, this is what camera guy and his woman were laughing at in my sketchbook. click on "camera guy" and it'll take you to that posting i made in the golden age of raz's shitty blog. that's if you haven't figured out what all those blue words with underlines under them mean by now. those are called "raz's shitty wickid links" and work like a link to stuff of no importance whatsoever.

yo, also check out this site. it's the site of the stumptown comicfest i'll be at to sell my shitty comic ( for $1 ) coming up soon. it'll be at somewhere in portland oregon. be sure to come and buy a shitty comic book for one fucking dollar!!

found: shitty cds!

2006-09-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

oh man, i am so happy i'm the proud finder of some wickidly shitty cds today. i found them on the train to work. let's see here..i got U2's joshua tree, the beatle's wickid hits, the first cd from a wickid industrial music collection ( entitled "industrial madness" if you wanna know ), manu chao's clandestino, and diana ross's ultimate shitty collection! so far i've listened to manu chao who is pretty wickid. i give that cd a 10/10. i might throw in diana ross if i'm feeling really fucking gay one day. hmm, U2 is pretty gay too. man, this person must really love the beatles. anyone who buys a beatles cd must really love them cause goddamn, we all know how they be sounding to the ears. it's like when you go to a wickid cafe and you're all "ahh, wickid..i gots me a wickid mocha and everything is cool man..", then you notice every song they be playing is bob marley and then you go "ahh, wickid..bob marley..yeah, jammin'..i be jammin'..haha..yeah bob marley you is wickid.." and then you go "i hate you bob marley!!" i'm glad to see this person ain't be limiting themselves with one style. he or she be going from boring to lame to gay instantaniously and without delay. big ups to you cholo.

i found tons of bob marley pics but i couldn't put one up here on raz's shitty blog. that would be more than shitty and will undoubtedly blur the line between shitty and really shitty. instead check out my rasta boy here and his chick. haha..they be in jamaica most probably jammin' and after they get back to their crib they will burn every bob marley merchandise and swear never to be dumb again.

dancin'

2006-09-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

so man, i like to dance. man, who doesn't? well, i'm sure there are people out there who don't but i think they're thinking "man, i can't dance, i will make a fool of myself." o.k, this is very interesting cause i think they are missing the point eh. man, dancing is wickid. it is wickid because you are expressing your feelings to git down when you be hearing the rythmn. your body is movin' and you are itchin' to be groovin'. but check it, there be some dances out there that are totally set on their own style. they be coming from tradition and culture and man, they be part of that heritage. man, people can be high and mighty with their own dances. like, my dance is wickider than yours cause i be poppin' and lockin' and i can put my foot over my head. guy can be dancing like a retard and he be getting my respect cause he be feelin' it. but check it again, i was all about calling off dances with set moves cause they be set rules. there ain't no rules to bustin'. i always thought to myself; "man, i'm gonna boogie the way i see fit and no man gonna tell me the 'right' way to boogie." but if everyone be feeling me then there wouldn't be all those wickid indian hand waves, no belly dancing hip girations, no hawaiian hula-ing and no african spear jumping. there just gotta be people out there to be keeping the spirit of these wickid moves alive. man, you gotsta respect culture. there be fighting otherwise. peace.

hmm, where the spear party at vato?

it be in that wickid village holmes, let's roll!

i miss driving

2006-09-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

man, i miss driving. well, actually, it's not the act of driving a car i really miss, it's actually my mom's car that was wickid to drive and i miss it terribly. my mom's car was a wickid 1986 toyota tercel man, the coolest of all mom cars. oh, it was wickid. i loved driving it so. i remember taking it on the highway for the first time and i'd have to put the pedal to the metal and still it was the slowest of all cars on the 401. that's highway code for this one highway in toronto. whoa, wikipedia says it's the world's busiest highway! man, i was playing a deadly game of death! so, speaking of highways, i learnt about them on t.v. and how the ones that go north and south are all odd numbered and the ones that run left and right are numbered with cool even numbers like 508, or 32, or 666; the highway of the beast. yeah, so check the diagrams i have to show you to dispute my point.

here are the cool "up/down" pattern for highways in the americas. they are numbered as odd numbers. kinda looks like an indie band's t-shirt doesn't it? haha..so stupid. interesting point is the number name given to the highway grows more in incriments as you go more right along this land. for that you have to use these "left/right" patterned highway system as you can see here in the diagram below..

man, look at all those goddamn highways. this one also looks a t-shirt of indie band. you can almost hear the seltimental, sensitive lyrics coming outta them. but the origins of the common highway are shaded in that that is not sensitive; hard working insensitive men. another interesting point is the term "highway" which comes from the song "born to be wild" by steppenwolf. that song also was the inspiration behind some minor roads and a few alleyways. anyway, here's my baby from the summer of 1996..

look at those stylish lines! this was and still is the laziest car to drive. more on the 1986 toyota tercel can be found here.

remember when james bond was cool?

2006-08-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

man, remember when james bond was cool? shit, it's been so long, i can barely remember his coolness. fuck, what the fuck happened to this fucking guy? goddamn, he was cool! he was this wickid guy who looked cool and acted cool and was cool. but raz, james bond is still cool. why thank you for your opinion but you are wrong. james bond was cool. he's stupid now. let me tell you why ok? so james bond back then was busting all the rules of cool, and that's cool if you know what it means to be cool. now, he's all doing shit we see chuck norris do in walker texas ranger. actually, i haven't really watched that show but i can use my wickid power of imagineering to make-up wickid action shots of him kicking a knife outta some guy's hand. whoa! that was kinda cool actually.

look how fucking cool this is!! look!! damn!!

russell peters saturday man!!

2006-08-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

holy shit i am excited! i am so excited because yesterday i was informed by my t.v. that wickid russell peters is gonna be having a wickid special, airing at 11:00p.m. on comedy central on saturday 26th of august pacific time yo. man, he is one of the funniest fuckers ever. everyone should stay-in saturday night and watch russell peters cause he is so awesome. whoa, i just realized that this post could be used as a reminder for me to watch it. yay! oh, and i gotta watch that bastard anthony bordain cause he's gonna be in wickid lebanon tonight. yay, yay! t.v. is so great.

russell peters: one funny fucker

dr.lee

2006-08-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

aight, so i went to see my wickid dentist yesterday and that bastard got my gum wickid bloody. i was going around with a cool iron taste of blood in my mouth all day. it was awesome. anyway, dentists..let's talk about them. o.k. wait, let's not. well, let's talk about how i came to mine. cause you know the best time to get a dentist is when you're all "that's not supposed to bleed like that". that's how i found mine. it was great. we knew we were meant for each other. his name is doctor lee by the way and he's dreamy. i write about him all the time in my diary with my fluffy pink feather pen. then i hug my teddy bear and fantasize being with him. he's chinese i think by the way too. my parents don't know about him and i think it's hot keeping it that way. when i needed him, i looked around the dentist names, and cause i like stereotyping people sometimes, i chose a wickid chinese guy to fix my teeth. man, i know some of you are thinking; "raz? you bastard! how can you stereotype?!", well it was pretty easy really...all i saw was "dr.lee"...that equates to "wickid-awesome dentist!!". well, he's wickid in some ways. like, he's all neurotic and crazy and likes to make dumb small talk like "still working?"..uh, yeah man, i'm still working. "still chewing with your teeth?"..uh, yeah man, i'm still doing that. oh, but he has wickid dental skills like knowing i love me some wickid sweets. wow! he is truly a dentist's dentist. like when i first sat in that dentist's chair, that fucker started telling me all these awesome facts about myself. he told me i needed 2 root canals and my wisdom teeth suck. also, i have like 5 other cavities and my teeth really need a good scrubbing. he also informed me that this week is the lunar bicentennial and it's the perfect time to start planting my rice crops. he was right too. i guess. i never really know what to think when he starts telling me all these awesome things. i feel like i've won somekind of awesome lottery and it's my time to shine like that kid in highschool you thought was weird until you see them playing that wickid saxaphone in school recital, then you're all "damn!! homie can play sax like a motherfucker!", "we're gonna have to invite him to our all-night party at the strip club and do like a hundred million shots with him and get him laid!"

here's a picture of dr.lee and a little girl. ( dr.lee is on the left ) actually, he's not my dr.lee but he came up when i did a wickid google image search. my dr.lee looks like him though. and we always smile at each other like long-lost pals.

the environment is in trouble...again!

2006-08-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

fuck! the environment is in trouble yet again!! man, that fucking guy is always getting into trouble. and whenever it does, there's always someone out there telling me about all the shit it's been up to. damn, even when it's not doing shit, someone is waiting to tell me about it...what shit it might be doing, what shit is could be doing, and what shit it has done and will do again! goddamn!! it's enough to make me hate the fucking environment. it's kinda like your mom telling you to clean your room, or your annoying roommate that you kinda like but not really. he or she is always there to tell you you gotta do something dumb like pay your rent or do the dishes. i've noticed there are four kinds of people in the world; roommates who tell you to save the environment, roommates who are lazy, roommates who are stupid, and roommates who think you should listen to the first fucking roommate and save the environment while you're watching project runway with the stupid roommate and eating raisin bran and being lazy. i'll save the environment during the commercials fool! shit, don't have a wickid cow man.

the wickid environment in all it's wickidness. let's keep it wickid o.k?

my wile e. coyote jacket says it all

2006-08-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

man, my wile e. coyote jacket says it all. what it says i'm not really sure, but it's wickid. i remember watching him when i was like 23 but the feeling of his vibe is still with me. i kinda relate with his wile-ness. haha, some of my homies have actually compared me to his rascally ways. like, i love chasing roadrunners ( bitches ) and buying things to catch roadrunners, i.e. bitch rockets ( my nissan ), giant bitch slingshots ( my thong ), bitch magnets ( dumb jewelry i bought at the dollar store ). my main homie is all about the scarface t-shirts, but i think my jacket has him beat cause bitches can be kinda turned-off by scarface, even if he was a bitch's man. i've seen some of my homies be getting into the daffy duck jeans, some even are into taz. man, taz is so passé. i do own spacejam though. now that's one film that should be in every man's dvd collection. one thing i don't get is the new generation of bitches with their spongebob squarepants backpacks. whatever, as long as they're into changing channels when i be stepping up to them.

it's hard being a gangsta. haha, actually all you really need is a couple of these fly looney toons patches and you be thuggin' in no time!

my pubes are so cool

2006-08-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

my pubes are so cool. i've modeled it after that guy from that band so everyone can think i'm cool. oh, and i want all the dumb girls at the show to like me. i think they do too cause my pubes are really cool. i get so many compliments on my cool pubes too. like, one time, this really hot chick came up to me and looked at it and walked off. then, i was hanging with my friends and i was introduced to this hot chick. i played it off like i didn't care. haha, hot chicks love that. later on in the night, i danced to my favourite song while i mimed the words and acted gay. then, i saw that chick again but she was making-out with the guy from the band. man, now he really had cool pubes. shit, i should make my pubes more like him. if you saw the chick making-out with him, you'd understand. my dad thinks i'm going through a phase, but he's not my boss. shit, i'm not gonna change my pubes cause he tells me to sheesh! he thinks it's because i never really fit in back in high school. man, that's a dumb theory. if that's the case, why doesn't he have cool pubes? huh?! yeah. anyway, my friend bought this gay french sailor shirt i'm thinking of getting but i think i'll get one in a different colour cause it might seem like i'm copying him. one thing that bugs me though is how those i-pod ads are showing people like me with cool pubes in a negative way. man, i don't just dance to the hives and be cool. i express, i love. why can't people just be cool about it?

here's me and my cool pubes. the trick is to make it as cool as possible.

plants need water man!!

2006-08-03T14:48:00.000-07:00

aight, here it is. the best animated short on sesame street! fuck, this is so fucking wickid it's crazy. big ups to klaythan for pointing me in the right direction. klaythan, you is da bomb yo!! fuck, sit back and enjoy it's wickidness..

cologne is so stupid

2006-07-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

now that we're all here and in our pajamas, let's talk about cologne. it's the male equivalent to wickid perfume btw for all you ignorant bastards. we can give each other wickid makeovers after, but for now, cologne is so stupid. let me explain. have you ever thought to yourself; "hmm...which wickid cologne should i get?" and then were all perplexed cause your sassy gay buddy or significant gino says the other one would get you all the honies. hmm...does that mean they be liking the smell or if you be liking the smell, would that make you a wickid homo? how are you ever to decide?! man, should i get the fucking musk ox or the fucking brut? i am at a wickid crossroads of conundrums. me, i gave wickid cologne a chance when i was getting my pubes but i realized after one try that a shower will do just as a good of a job, if not better. hey, did you know all soaps are basically the same? it's true, but i like irish spring cause the commercial really sold me on how awesome it is. have you seen all those axe spray ads? you know, the one with the skinny dorky guys who once they spray axe on them, all kinds of sluts and hoes be running to get a piece of dorky ass? yeah, it's wickid and very true. i've seen it happen so many times out on the street. dorky guys getting groped and tackled by hot models all the fucking time. here at raz's shitty blog, raz scientists at the raz lab have been hard at being lazy to figure out some wickid shit. we found some really not interesting things. we discovered, surprisingly, the largest number of guys who wear cologne are ginos...wow. then we asked some chicks how they felt about those guys. all of the chicks we asked said they'd want to have sex with those ginos but they don't know why. then we asked the chicks if they were stupid, and they said "yes".

irish spring "sport"; for really dumb people

i love romantic comedies!!

2006-07-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

holy shit! i love romantic comedies! man, they are so wickid. you got comedy, you got romantic..it's wickid. man, but there are some shitty ones out there but you know what cholo, the good ones make up for the shitty ones cause they make you feel really good, like after a really good shit. whoa, i wonder if chicks feel this way too. i'm thinking yeah, cause they are down with the poo poo and kaka. aight, so lemme get all telling you of this romantic comedy i saw last night. it was called "my super ex-girlfriend" and it could be the best romantic comedy i've ever seen. i remember seeing one on t.v. like 2 years ago called "celeste in the city" which was awesome also. it was about this nerdy chick who moves to new york to start her career but she ain't with her nerdy self. this guy who's her neighbour is all about her nerdy charm but then she gets her gay sassy friends to help her with a wickid makeover. man, that guy was like whatever cause he could see the true beauty that lay hidden behind all that junk. she then started dating this bastard cause he was rich and she wanted to be too but the other guy was like "damn!". this chick celeste was kinda dumb too cause that guy was all going nuts and she couldn't recognise true love. that guy sure did. he was wickid. then the gay friends helped her and that bastard was exposed as a bastard and she got all recognising that other guy who was all into her as the guy of her dreams. man, it was so awesome. "my super ex-girlfriend" was also awesome for different reasons so you better check it out yo. man, take a date too if you're feelin' it. i be guaranteeing you be getting your boots knocked that night. but only if you are in it to win it. and by that i mean you better be liking romantic comedies sucka cause no chick is gonna knock them boots if they got gum and shit all over them.

my girl celeste lookin' fine for her wickid poster

my slammin' bod

2006-07-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

man, i sure got what the ladies be looking for; a slammin' bod. thanks for noticing. you'd be wrong if you said it was love or something stupid like that. is love gonna be there when your chick needs to bench press 250 pounds? is love gonna step up when your chick need to carry those 53 bags of groceries to her car? yeah, i'm betting not. man, love ain't got nothing on my trapezium majoralises. sure your man has the life experiences that's gonna be crucially beneficial in helping solve problems that are sure to arise but does he have what it takes for a spontaneous posedown? you know, they say bodybuilders are stupid but look who's not looking slammin'. it's funny how slammin' my bod is too cause now i can finally go to the beach and kick sand in a nerd's face and get his girlfriend like i always dreamed. hopefully, that wickid nerd won't buy a charles atlas book of bodybuilding and workout cause my fragile self esteem can only take so much competition. the guys at my gym sure like my slammin' bod. and who can blame them? it's so so slammin'!!

here's me and my slammin' bod. i got a wickid tan from my trip to maui btw.

eyebrows

2006-07-25T11:46:00.000-07:00

holy shit, so chicks really go through alot to get noticed by us fellas. but what we fellas always notice first may surprise alot, if not, all chicks. let me impart this knowledge upon you ladies cause goddamn you be missing the spots that need the most attention. we guys fucking love a wickid pair of eyebrows, awww yeah. you ladies got our priorities wrong, always with the plunging necklines and the short skirts and those high heels, all trying to get us guys to check out how much you look like those covergirl ads you see us staring at. man, we're just staring at those covergirl eyebrows thinking "damn, those are wickid eyebrows." or just "daaammmn!!!"

who's got the most goin' on? let's check out two of the hottest set out there..

so, what can be said about my homegirl pamela anderson that hasn't been said before? hmmm, maybe something like; "damn girl, what the fuck is up with them shitty eyebrows?". now check out my main homegirl whoopi. awww yeah, now she knows wassup. i know all you homies wanna git all up in her shit. i think this obsession with eyebrows we guys have goes back to prehistoric times when them hairy chicks got us all horny. then we all evolved and the hair went away and then we started loving fat chicks in them paintings by french guys and then we were like all confused and our primordial ways were unleashed in a fury for love of eyebrows. yeah, that makes sense. i had to re-read that but it makes sense if you think about it.

yuppies are trying to be cool

2006-07-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

hey, you know that hot chick you got digits from? well, she might be a stupid yuppy. yeah, i know she doesn't look like one, but that's just your dick trying to compromise your situation.

today, yuppies are trying harder than ever to be cool and fit in. but they can't be hiding that snobby, i'm better than you shit. it's like spraying poo with air freshener. even that industrial strength shit ain't be doin' nothing to hide it.

they be listening to coldplay, dressing like that gino rob thomas, watching "how to get the guy" on t.v, and going to the same club as your non-yuppy ass. sometimes it's too late and you're out on a date with one and she asks you; "so, what do you like to do for fun?", and you're like; "whatever baby..", and then she's all; "oh, o.k.". man, yuppies sure like saying "o.k.". they also like posting prom pictures of themselves on myspace.

another thing, yuppies don't like talking shit, but if they do, it sounds like a wickid prescription from your doctor; totally devoid of any personality. you know they be getting their jokes from "i love the 80's" on vh1.

take it from me man, leave that yuppy chick for that yuppy guy. they be needing each other no matter how hard they be trying to break their dumb mold. he can take her to all those nice sports bars and she can be that good domestic wife her mom taught her to be. but until then, he'll still be playing pool and winking at chicks, and she'll still be getting drunk and singing "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" and gossiping and being dumb.

rob thomas: gino yuppy

2 things that can fuck you up

2006-06-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

so man, i love learning. learning is what makes the world go round. also, the cosmos too makes the world go round, along with a whole lotta shit i can't fucking explain. anyway, i learned some shit. one, i learned awhile back but it's good to visit old lessons cause that's wickid, and the other i learned today, like 15 minutes ago. so, the first is canker sores. you know what i'm talking about? here's a wickid picture of a one of those..

nice eh? yeah, it's cool. anyway, i was at my dentist talking about these and he goes "no-one knows why canker sores show up". man, that's crazy! he says there's this organization that gets together to chill and talk about canker sores..whoa! but he layed down some heavy shit when he said eating some nuts can cause them. man, i love me some nuts. i especially like cashews. and guess what? after i ate some a week ago, bamn.. fucking canker sore!

the next lesson i wanna lay on you is a continuation of the last entry into my shitty blog. remember that place that serves that tea? well, i was talking to my homie who works at walgreens and he goes there's this shit called kava that fucks you up good. here's a wickid photo of kava y'all..

yea! that's my boy kava. check him all out all chillin'. so i wonder if they be putting that kava shit into my tea yesterday. seems like they would i think cause tea people love all that fucking herbal organic fucking things that make you wanna meditate or some shit. you know it's true. i'll tell you guys what my studies will bring, until then, it's back to the lab. brown power.

samovar tea lounge made me high

2006-06-27T13:59:00.000-07:00

so i just got back from this tea lounge near the metreon and i'm high. it's weird but i think they put some shit in that tea. me and my tea drinking companion noticed the effects after like 11 minutes of tea drinking. i got the earl grey and my companion got the ancient white tea. i would describe the high as really mellow and relaxed and feelin' fine and cherry wine. now, you're probably thinking that's just the way tea is supposed to make you feel fucker, but trust me, this shit is different man. here's samovar tea lounge's website. i'm gonna listen to some hawkwind now.

guy on train gets boner

2006-06-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

i thought i'd share with everyone cause nowadays boners are worth mentioning. this guy got a boner on the train and i was lucky enough to take a photo of it when it was still hard.

the queen haters

2006-06-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

so when i was a little lad of 16, i rushed back from school cause it was shitty and because i couldn't wait to watch the best show on t.v. called sctv. sctv is this show in canada that is funny and can not be beat. i usually watched it while eating food, but sometimes i'd finish early and watch it without food. basically, this show called sctv ( pronounced " ehs - see - tee - veeee " ), started comedy in canada back in 1856 and has been passing it's comic genius through word of mouth. comedy eventually spread to the americas where it was called komedy for awhile. anyway, i remember watching the best music video on sctv and now, you can too because youtube is here and it's wickid. i present to you now, one of the best videos of all time.

study finds raisin bran to be wickid!

2006-06-23T09:36:00.001-07:00

there's a new study out finding raisin bran to be wickid! what? you haven't heard? it's all over the cereal chat lines fucker! but you know what's weird? i used to be all into another cereal that went by the name of lucky charms. that's quite a drastic transition really if you think about it. one's all wickid and sugar-y while the other is all bran-y and not wickid. well, not wickid in the grammatical sense. it's wickid in the literal world. but also, my transition is a sign of maturity, i believe, cause i think the queen and that one rich guy eats raisin bran too. you know that guy. with the money. anyway, yeah, kids start out eating that cereal rice krispies cause it's all snoop snappy poop, then get all into the harder cereals. the frosted flakes, the kix, the count chocula...all with high amounts of glucose and red dye 5 in them. soon, they'll be eating nothing but honey smacks and leaving their socks on the floor. the cereal will have taken over their lives. now, i wasn't a saint. i dabbled in them cereals, but it was a difficult climb outta that hole. i think my life is changed for the better, but now and then, i'll pour me a bowl of raisin bran and watch family guy.

lucky charms; the cereal of choice for most people when they start eating cereal.

raisin bran; the cereal people graduate to when they become old.

my mom loves my toes

2006-06-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

it's weird, but my mom loves my toes. i guess they're cool, i never really appreciated their beauty before, but my mom, man, she can see wassup..i guess. i drew a picture of me and my mom. she's checking out my toes.

my mom loves my new calves

2006-06-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

man, my mom loves my new calves. i've been working them out real good. check them out..

my routine is simple; kicking people backwards. it's weird how i discovered this..it's a long story, but yeah, that was the beginning. now my calves are wickid huge! i was so excited i called my mom and she wanted to check them out. man, she flipped when she saw my calves. she was saying how she wanted to get a set of them for herself. haha, good luck mom! these calves take discipline! then i kicked her backwards. haha, take that mom! and since everyone likes drawings, i drew a picture of me and my mom..

that's a picture i drew of my mom taking a close look at those wickid calves..man, my mom loves my new calves.

am i the only one who hates sushi?

2006-06-20T17:14:00.000-07:00

man, am i the only one smart enough to hate sushi? man, it's raw fish daddio! man, it's so gross. but check it, i did give that shit a chance awhile back when i was like, "fuck it man, i'm gonna eat all that shit on that wickid sushi chart.." and guess what? it was shittay! i didn't surmise it, cause damn, it seems like everyone fucking loves sushi so i gave them my wickid benifit of a doubt and got bizzay. so check the sushi chart..

let me bestow upon you what the different types of sushi taste like ok? most of these taste like that smell you get when you leave sweaty socks to ferment in your hamper for a week. mmmm, sounds good eh? oh, and that octopus one? that tastes like a wickid goodyear tire man. that one is special. now let me get into something else. check this..

check that out. now that ginger on the left is wickid. but man, that wasabi on the right ain't happenin'. let me tell you what that green shit tastes like. no, not like a wickid piece of doublemint gum, like you might think it to taste like, but like that rubber hose your mom told you to water the lawn with when you were a kid. why do you wanna eat a rubber hose? it makes no sense. and why add rubber hose to soy sauce? i guess to make it taste shitty. oh, and alot of those sushi items you see on that chart have rubber hose in them, all hidden for your enjoyment. mmmm..man, sushi sucks. except unagi. unagi is wickid. big ups to unagi yo. holla.

which hat is wickid for you?

2006-06-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

so i'm in the market for a new hat. but which one should i be looking for? there are some wickid hats out there. fuzzy ones, unfuzzy ones, and they come in all shapes and sizes and all wickid colours that are off the hook y'all. check out my pakistani homies here with wickid hats..

man, they look happy eh? they love their hats. it’s almost like those hats belong on those guys. they’re stylin’. big ups to you guys in pakistan with your wickid hats. and it’s not like they’re making a fashion statement of anything dumb like that, they know which hat looks best on them and they’re pulling that shit off splendidly. here be some more of my paskistani holmies chillin’ and talking about wickid hats..

that guy on the left is talking about the hat that got away I think. sorry y’all, I don’t know a lot of pakistani, or any pakistani, but I do know that we’re one people with a love for hats of all kinds. man, hats is wickid, but I know which hat suits me best. i’ve tried on some fancy hats and they feel weird on my head. people love them fancy ones though, but I think they wanna think they can pull that fancy shit off, making them feel like pimps and shit. check this fucking guy..

he knows wassup for sure. i'll be like that guy one day, with the hat of my dreams..

sharks are so stupid

2006-06-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

man, i was watching discovery channel awhile back and came across wickid news; sharks are stupid. did you guys know that sharks are these fish that have a really dumb nervous system that gets all fucked up when it gets messed with? man, i sure didn't and thought it was very helpful. check out this wickid chart of a shark's nervous system..

cool huh? those spotted lines represent the trail the brain takes to figure out what to eat and what to not eat and chill. it travels from the shark's brain to the shark's butthole. the nervous system, i learned, is super wickid on the shark and is really wickid around the nose cause that's where the shark first comes in contact with stuff. look at this wickid picture..

those spots on the nose are super sensitive, and see it's eye..that's super sensitive too, but those spots are more cause they are attached to the sharks brain somehow. here's a diagram to explain those spots..

see? anyway, so there was this guy on the show that was doing something so awesome i thought i should call my mom and tell her. he was all "sharks are dumb, and if you squeeze their nose, they'll chill." then he swam with sharks and did it and they chilled. it was wickid. they totally chilled and he turned them upside down. check out this graph..

i couldn't find a picture of the guy turning the shark upside down but i think they'll show that show again on shark week, which is like every week it seems. man, i can't wait for another kind of week. sharks are so dumb.

travel channel brings it

2006-06-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

so i was watching the travel channel the other night. I know what you're thinking. raz..why you be watchin' the travel channel when they're showing supergroup on vh1. man, that show sucks. i'm not gonna talk about it cause it'll go nowhere. but i'm gonna talk about this wickid show called anthony bourdain: no reservations cause it's all about this guy named anthony bourdain who is a sad bastard who travels the world eating poor people's food. here's a wickid picture of him looking bastardly..

i think he's eating some shoe laces in that picture. man, he's crazy like that! this one episode i saw he was in my main country korea ( wassup korea, where my korean dogs at? ) and sure enough, that fucker was chowing down crazy shit. there was this cute korean chick all showing him things like fish and some guy named kim chi. she was cute man...all korean style. damn. anyway, she showed my boy bourdain this place that specializes in wickid chicken. not like adding 12 special spices or some shit but crazy parts of the chicken. the only one that i really remember was the chicken ass. so here on raz's shitty blog it's all about teaching so i'm gonna tell you what i learned at the wickid school of anthony bourdain's no reservations; chicken ass in korea is translated as "house of poo". i ain't playin' man! that's what they call chicken ass in korea. man, korea knows how to kick it with the humour. big up korea. peace.

you better be watchin' hell's kitchen tonight!!

2006-06-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

man, it's time. time for all the other sucka shows to recognise. time for all those late night ballers to hang-up their jordans. time for getting all fucking schooled in wickid cooking. it's time for hell's kitchen yo. yea yea..

last time the kitchen was smokin'. but not with anything burning like food, but with fucking excitement fellas. other than my main show "law & order; criminal intent", the new season on hell's kitchen is probably gonna be the best shit on tv. why are people gonna watch it you say? well, check it..

yea! it's my dog gordon ramsay! in case you haven't heard, he's wickid! man, they're hyping him as more bitchy than simon cowel, and he's got a bigger dick. i heard it's like, 6 inches long. now that's what i'm talkin' about.

last time, wickid micheal won a wickid restaurant, but i think this time around, my boy ramsay is gonna make the winner a wickid grilled cheese sandwich ala ramsay. haha, just playin'..i don't know what's up for the winner but i bet it's gonna be wickid! just look at this..

haha, man...check my homie ramsay chillin' here with this fucking wickid fish. it be a flounder or some shit i'm guessing. his posse is all "damn!". they know wassup.

tonight..fox people..the ramsay revolution starting..it's happening..it's for real..

"cars" not as shitty as i thought

2006-06-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

man, so i just saw that movie "cars" where cars talk and fall in love and learn lessons about life and is made by pixar. it's not incredible ( haha, man, do you get this wickid pun? ), but it wasn't little ( haha, man, do you get this pun also? ). i would also recommend this movie if you wanna get a little sizzle into a wickid date at the movies, cause there be alot of wickid moments that will make you wanna get your freak on!!

cars is playing at the metreon in san francisco in case you haven't heard. it might be playing elsewhere too.

new show is wickid

2006-06-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

man, so i heard about this new show coming out a year ago about a wickid barbarian and his funny adventures. haha, sounds awesome right? well, i just saw them on youtube ( big ups bro ), and holy shit, it was! man, it's called korgoth and they show it on adult swim on the cartoon network. i missed it the first time but i think that's where it is.

this show's got all wickid barbarian shows need to be wickid; funny shit, boobs, blood, and most importantly, heavy fucking metal. man, these are the main ingredients to wickid. you better be bringin' this if you wanna step up.

here's my boy chillin'..

i'm starting a new shitty fad

2006-06-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

man, there are so many shitty fads out there that i wanna start one too. so here is my fad: hold your glass of wine like shown in diagram A.

man, i am sure this fad will catch on. get ready world!

why is everyone stealing my wickid style?

2006-06-06T14:41:00.000-07:00

man, i feel like i'm a trend setter, but shit..everyone is stealing my wickid style! i wanna be an individual man! ok, let me tell you what i wear and see for yourself how awesome it is. don't you be stealin' sucka. check me out here in my wickid brown dockers and blue shirt.

see how awesome that shirt goes with those brown dockers? i added the tie just for fun. ( it says i may look wickid, but i'm approachable baby ). i have alot of different ties that match my style perfectly. but shit, i've been seeing alot of immitators out there wanting to be me. they may walk the walk, but do they talk the talk? i bet not. man, even when i go out on the town, there is always a couple of people wearing my snappy attire. man..i think i'll keep wearing the same stuff though. sooner or later people are gonna screw up and then i'll look wickid!

what the fuck happened to monday night raw?

2006-06-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

man, everytime i think of the shitty state of wrestling right now i begin to cry. it's terrible! i know you havn't been watching it but man, it's a goddamn shame what happened to what was a glorious time in a person's life. that person being me. man, i remember how i used to get all sweaty just thinking about what stone cold was gonna do to the wickid rock! whoa..my shitty blog has become all gay all of a sudden. but i'll tell you what really is gay; wwe! what the fuck happened to wwf? i remember the good old days when i googled wwf and it led me to the world wildlife fund or some shit. man, i was pissed! but then i found pictures of the people's eyebrow and my anger turned to love. man, and that love was never fleeting. until like 7 years ago when things took a shitty turn. man, but whatever..wickid hell's kitchen season 2 is gonna start real soon!! holy shit!!

here's a wickid picture of the rock..

the big snit

2006-06-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

so i'm going down wickid memory lane like i do alot of times it seems. man, the lane led me down this wickid path back in canada where i grew up all confused in my adolescency. there was this channel in canada call tvo, or tv ontario. it was shitty. like this blog haha. anyway, like i was saying, it was shitty cause all they showed on that fucking channel was national film board programs. national film board is this thing that makes shitty canadian films. but i do remember the channel showing boobs, so it wasn't all that bad at times. that's the thing about being an artsy channel; you can get all artsy and shit, but sooner or later, you gotta show some boobs. it's the fucking artsy code man! anyway, i remember a wickid cartoon i saw on this channel that was wickid upon high. you hosers gotta remember this one..

help me find more of this shit

2006-06-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

so check it, one day i was thinking how awesome this cartoon was i saw when i was a kid. below is another short from the same guy who made this cartoon i am thinking about. he did them for that really informative show sesame street. i would love to find more stuff from this guy cause he knows what is funny to me.

so what i remember of the short he did was this: there's a wickid guy in this room who is talking to his plant and he says; "hey plant..wake up man.." but the plant is all limp and shit. he talks super funny too, like tommy chong. so then his sister walks in who is also a wickid tommy chong talking kid, she says; "wow man, what's wrong with your plant?" they eventually figure out the plant needs water. haha...genius.

so what's that guy's name and man, if you find it on wickid youtube, send it my way!

no-one is reading this shitty blog

2006-05-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

it has come to my attention that no-one is reading this shitty blog. i wonder why? is it too shitty? way too shitty? hmm...why don't people want shitty? it's all about posting great art and commenting on it i've noticed that really draws the comments. whatever. anyway, i've accumulated some interesting numbers here in my secret headquarters at work...let me share them with myself cause no-one is reading this.

as you can see, no-one is reading this shitty blog. it really baffles me actually. well, actually not. man, i didn't expect anything big really. well, i was actually hoping some hollywood agent saw my blog skills and got me into high-stake blogs where the real money is. it might be too glamourous but i think it won't go to my head that much.

anyway, look at that graph! an interesting thing about it is it reflects another graph of how i am growing tired of this shitty blog. look at the following blog and see for yourself.

interesting isn't it? yes. well, i can't argue with those shitty numbers. it speaks volumes. so what have i learned from all this? cause after all, isn't there a lesson in here somewhere? well, i have to say, nothing. i have learned nothing. only that blogs are a dumb waste of time and it'll get me no-where super fast. so i think this will be my last entry. don't cry for me ok, this is not that hard for me to do.

carnival 2006

2006-05-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

man, carnival 2006 was wickid. i think this picture says it all..

drawing is fun

2006-05-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

so today i got really into drawing from the wonderful world of animals. i love animals. these are a couple of sketches i did "on the fly" while i was "feelin' the flow" so to speak. i've noticed there are alot of great artists out there in blogland and this might be a good way to express my artistic creativity, and i don't know, maybe get some feedback. ok, enough said, let me show you what i've been up to.

this drawing i did using the software known as "Microsoft Paintbrush". it is a powerful tool i must say, but i don't feel i've pushed it enough in this drawing. you be the judge. here is a powerful horse eating grass..

the only problem i see with that drawing is the back right leg. haha, yes i know, i know.

ok, so this one i'm actually really proud of. it really makes me smile and maybe i'll frame it one day and give it to someone i really care for. it's an owl ofcourse ( silly ) and they are wonderful to draw i must say. this noble chap was so thoughtful of me that he sat through my sketch like the best of models.

aren't owls great? especially to draw! it really deserves a frame. ok, so the last one i want to show you guys is a little sketch i did "just for laughs". i like to have a little fun now and then and it really shows in my drawings and this one really makes me chuckle like a fool.

so i thought i'd have a little artistic liberty and put our little sesame street characters in a comical situation. big bird is saying to oscar ( the grouch ) ; "oscar, have you seen my yoyo?" and oscar is replying ; "why no big bird, i haven't." haha..look at the expression i gave big bird! he is so confused and wants to know real bad where his precious yoyo went. poor big bird.

there you have it. i'll post some more drawings real soon so don't be too anxious ok? haha...later.

flipping your collar makes you look like a jackass

2006-05-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

so i was gonna go off about this new trend i'm seeing here on the streets of san francisco and maybe the entire country for that matter; flipped collars. man, they make the flipper look like a jackass. but guess what? someone already has recognized and has written a lengthy blog posting on it! check this shit out.

yeah, so anyway, it's dumb. but whatever, no matter who you are, you will always look cooler than a dumb guy in a flipped collar shirt.

taylor hicks is so stupid

2006-05-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

man, so that guy won but what lies ahead for the fat george clooney? i see great things for his future. and when i say "great" i mean "shitty". i am predicting he makes a shitty album that dumb moms over 50 only buy. you heard it here first, here, on raz's shitty blog! but holy shit, it was a wickid show! i was taping the metal documentary and did that whole tape one program and watch another thing ( see diagram). what sucked was fox's reception was shit! no matter, i saw wickid wolfgang puck and kellie pickler matching wits, mary j blige stealing the spotlight from elliot yamin, and prince being wickid. holy shit he was funny. overall, it was a great night for t.v. and i'll remember it always.

i want a fucking schnoodle!

2006-05-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

man, so i wanted to get me a wickid daschund but man, i saw this wickid cute dog like last week outside our office and one thing led to another and we played. fuck, it was so cute. but guess what? i didn't ask the owner what kinda dog it was because i had to take a shit. or maybe, the cuteness of that dog made me stupid.

anyway, i got all thinking about it. i was all into daschunds, but now things have changed. man, now i want me one of those little fuckers to call my own. if only i knew what the fuck it was called. and so, the research began. man, i found out some crazy shit. did you know that they're making poodles fuck all kinds of dogs to make new wickid dogs with poodle hair? man, it's wickid you know why? because it's hypoallergenic man! duh!!

check it, this is what you get when you make a poodle fuck a wickid schnauzer; a wickid schnoodle!

so now i want a fucking wickid schnoodle man! look at that guy! i know you havn't seen anything cuter! you are probabley asking yourself; "hmm, where can i read more about this dog?" right here man!

man, what do you get when you get a shih tzu to fuck a poodle? a wickid shihpoo!

so, all you gotta do is get a poodle to fuck any dog and then add "poo" to it's name. wickid! and apparently, there's all kinds of poo out there! wickid scottiepoos, yorkiepoos, terripoos, and fucking cockapoos!! holy fucking shit! it's a poo-a-ganza!!

wanna watch one channel while recording another?

2006-05-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

then, you can do it with a vcr. but check it, if you have one of those cable boxes, like the one wickid comcast gave me, then you can't. but listen, here's a wickid solution:

wickid is it not? man, all you need is that splitter thing and that A/B switch fucking thing. oh yeah, and some wickid coax wires to connect them. flick from A to B when you feel like recording, but then you're gonna have to change channels through your wickid t.v. man, educating isn't it?

btw, american idol is on at the same time as "heavy: the story of metal" tonight!

"heavy: the story of metal" strikes powerful chord

2006-05-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

ha ha...get it? man, whatever, it's not the greatest joke in the world. ok, lemme try something here. haha..get it again? like, lemmey from motorhead. haha..that joke was better. ok, so here's a link from metalheads talking about the show. oh yeah, i forgot to mention this is a show they're showing on shitty vh1 right now that chronicles metal. man, so far it's pretty wickid. but man, those fucking metalheads are all pissed about it. they will watch it too i think. man, they are so stupid.

exciting blog news!

2006-05-23T16:09:00.000-07:00

not just an hour ago i squeezed a pimple.

man, this blog sucks. fuck, who is reading this? why did i even create my own shitty blog?

oh man, whatever...you know what's gonna be wickid tonight? american idol's finale that's what. oh man, i hope taylor wins. man, he's so stupid. that katherine has him beat in looks, but taylor has that shitty whiplash thing he does with his neck. man, it's gonna be wickid if he wins cause no-one will buy his album and he will look stupid. what a fucking guy. man, maybe i'm too harsh on taylor. whatever, that guy should know he's all about bringing back joe cocker and no-one really wants to hear another joe cocker. or do they? man, all i know is joe cocker is wickid and taylor isn't. but why? man, all i know is that i'm sad chris dougherty got kicked off the show. man, that guy was wickid. he had that wickid bald rocker head and he loves chain wallets.

draw something stupid when you get bored and have fun...then be disappointed

2006-05-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

so here's what i drew for this wickid website called sketch swap. the thing about that site is this; you draw something stupid, you give it to losers at sketch swap, and then they give you another drawing some other bored idiot drew. i've noticed what you get back is always shittier than what you give...whoa, that sounds like a wickid beatles song...so stupid man

strangers enjoying stupid drawings

2006-05-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

here we see local strangers enjoying my story that i will probably not have done until i really feel like putting it together one day. the way they got to my sketchbook is a dumb story but i'll tell you anyway cause this is a stupid blog. so, i was like; "hey man, is that the canon rebel?" ( reffering to that guy's camera btw, and he was like; "why yes.." or something. and so, the stupidness began..man, that fucker couldn't take that camera out of his hands for all the time i was sitting there thinking about how sad his wife must be for not being the one being held in his wickid hands..

uhhh...

2006-05-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

hmmm...