raz's shitty blog 1 year anniversary!

finally! raz's shitty blog gets featured in O; the oprah magazine about oprah and everything oprah. what once was one man's dream to make a shitty blog has now become a feature in the most vain magazine of all time. oh my god..i feel like a princess. there is a god, and his name is oprah magazine.

making a shitty comic

so i've been getting tons and tons of mail about how to make comics from all over the world and from bed bath & beyond. and both say the same shit; "raz, how do you make comics?" haha, wouldn't you like to know? ok, i'll let you in on a secret...comics are like taking a shit; you just sit back and let it all come out. but first you gotta eat something like a big fuckin' burger with fries...or "coming up with a story". just kidding, the story doesn't matter at all it seems nowadays so just wing it. people won't notice shit and people like that. it takes them into that comic fantasy world; makes them one with the art. so before we begin, let's make a shitty character.

step #1: making a shitty character

ok, so to make a shitty character, all you gotta do is draw a shitty character. here..

..it is done. i call him the naked king. he is king and he is naked. cool, let's move on..

step #2: put your shitty character in a shitty environment

so now that we've made our shitty character, we have to put him in a shitty environment. some would say a room or by poolside is shitty enough, but let's go one further and put the naked king in a shitty environment made for one such as he; a bus stop.

cool. now he is part of the environment and he is ready for undertaking his comic journey. what a great shitty start! now let us imagine what can happen next. could there be a bus in the king's future? maybe a fellow passenger? only you can decide. it doesn't matter really. anything will do the job shittily.

step #3: the final shitty step

now comes the final step, and some would testify, the most shitty; fucking drawing and finishing the shitty comic. let's begin and finish it as fast as we can without thinking and worrying about it.

ahh..c'est finished! next stop; a local newspaper or shitty blog.

new hickee coming really fucking soon!

hey cholos and cholettes, guess what? chicken butt. just kidding..sheesh, i can't believe you fell for that one. but it showed character, good for you. hey, there's a new hickee in the works and i'd like for you to know that. it's gonna be the best fucking hickee ever and requires some reading skills. and it would also benefit if you have the gift of sight too. this next hickee will probably be entitled #3 if the gods are willing. it will also bring shame and embarrassment upon the one who wields it so take heed. it is said that the book is cursed with stupid jokes and will bring that who gazes within it's pages merriment and joy. below you will see some pixel art i have produced that will line one wickid page of this book. this time, for some reason, hickee has a wickid theme; which is games. i believe that reason is cause we all agreed on it.

it is written that hickee is gay. but that was along time ago so "gay" meant "wickid"!!

boob trek

probably my finest work..

what's that floating shit in my eye?

ever find yourself talking to some fool and see a floating string-like thing pass by? don't be alarmed my good friend cause i just read a wickid article on this phenomenon on yahoo health. ahh, yahoo does something again. first it was text-twist, now a great explanation of how strange and wonderful the eye can be. be sure to check raz's shitty blog for more medical essays cause i think it's gonna be that way from now on. man, i can't wait to get letters from doctors in switzerland of how much they admire my research of other websites. hopefully i get a nod of approval for my link abilities too. i think i'm pretty good at it but not the best. i heard there was this 9 year old boy in india whose link abilities are unsurpassed. incredible!

check it out! that's my eye from the inside!

boobs & lesbians

so for anyone who's into boobs or lesbians, this blog posting is for you. these would be the paintings i showed at the montreal show.

with this piece, i tried to capture boobs. tied around a woman's head...

and with this piece i tried to capture lesbians doing what lesbians do best; walking around a pillar in a magical lesbian land. man, it sure is oily in that part of town.

i was initially planning on having 2 other paintings to show with these but they didn't turn out the way i wanted them to. one was gonna be entitled "woman with really big ass" and another was gonna be entitled "woman with hairy pussy". it all came down to the wire and i opted to watch 1 vs. 100 instead.

ape reminiscing

so before i move on with news of our montreal show, i'd like to address how awesome ape was. i only wish there wasn't as many comics about lesbians with problems. i didn't read any but i'll save you the read and presume the lesbian doesn't get the chick she wants and tells her tale of woe and grief to her best friend. they talk about how much life sucks for about 10 pages and then the book ends. there's no mutant powers in them too. but there was wickid shit at ape too. most notably kevin dart, chris turnham, and birdstand. they made this year's ape super awesome. kevin and chris had a wickid book with some of the best art i've seen. here's a photo of me chillin' with scott.c. and joe white from kevin/chris's website.
and i got this wickid book from birdstand where everyone is smiling and looking nice and chill. it's called "gypsy lady". everyone should have this book. i name it best in show. check out his site too yo.

new comic

so last weekend i revealed to the world my new shitty comic. on your left is the title. man, it went great! like 40 people now have it...in the trash. naw, just kidding. i bet they're on the mantle place next to wedding photos. also, i reprinted my last comic. those sold pretty well too. random people have actually heard of it which was surprising but very welcomed. like last time, i took them to get printed at kinkos. one thing interesting about kinkos is that they're idiots. i had to teach some guy there how to do his shitty job. i guess it's the working environment they have to deal with, with the people always coming in and asking to be helped..like at any job. well, i guess it's different at kinkos cause their jobs are so easy. maybe that's why they're so half-assed. "print some shit for you sir? well, that sounds easy enough..but wait, maybe it isn't..lemme try something..like not doing it the way i should. it sounds crazy but it might work." man, whatever. i've learned my lesson. my pain is your gain. below are the top shittiest jobs:

• bus driver - "hello, let me drive you somewhere.."
  
• customs agent - "hello, let me ask you some questions.."
  
• kinkos guy - "hello, let me make you some copies.."
  

shit

well it's thursday and you know what that means; time to draw some shit. below you have various kinds of shits.

oh yeah, you can print this out and put some magnets behind it and then slap it on your wickid fridge to make one of those "what kinda shit did i take today?" things. man, you can impress all your friends and dinner-guests with the "ass-stretcher" circled-in! anyway, enjoy!

i drew some wickid carrots!

hey everyone i wanna just say don't use crappy clip art in your blog. especially if it's crappy clip art of carrots. people get pissed if you do this for some reason. instead, you should just draw crappy clip art of carrots instead. like this:

here's my crappy carrot clip art. everyone in the whole entire world can use this image with no worries. go ahead and link them up to your wickid blog or website without my approval. use it in everyday life. use it to bake a carrot cake. download it..share it..crop it..print it.